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Business plan
New market entry through genetically modified food. Kosher bacon - modified chicken that produces pork, the other white meat. Kosher...
Aural Tone Modulation Batard
Whilst browsing the Interwebnet, symbols resembling the identifier for this unit were rendered via picture elements on the display viewer...
Post-post posting
All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel. The weasel was unaware, but the monkey was not, that...
FHI Shareholder Summary
Important Shareholder notice: Due recent events briefly outlined in the annual report, the Floccinaucinihilipilificator Heavy Industries Shareholder Summary has been...
FHI News Update
The Management of FHI is pleased to announce to our employees that the class action law suit brought about by...
The Return
307A walked trembling into the subterranean cavern deep beneath the subsidiary of FHI where he worked. After the extraction team...
Festive Holiday Posting
307A trembled in fear as he walked to the elevator leading to Human Resources. It was located in a secret...
Og Angry
Og go work in mine pit. Og work, Og talk tribe, Og eat, Og work. Fire yak run on top...
Reassignment of Job Duties
The next day, 307A reported to work in his understated transparent vinyl ensemble. Not wanting to violate any portion of...
Another Security Memo
307A blinked in disbelief as he read the latest memo from Security. "Henceforth, all employees are required to comply...
Running afoul
"Cubicle resident 307A please report to Security immediately!" droned the bored intercom voice on a dreary Tuesday morning. The denizen...
Corporate memo found in the ruins
To: All Employees From: Corporate Security Subject: Data Security Procedures It has come to our attention that not all employees...
A discourse on why the SuperFresh groceteria chain must be destroyed and the earth salted so that nothing may grow.
Ah, SuperFresh, the corporate cousin of the once proud Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company. Unfortunately, it is the closest...
Then and Now, A Rant on the Nature of Civil Society and the Heritage thereof
Then: As you climb the stark white stairs of the National Archives building toward the classical columns and the dark...
A multipart observational rant on the nature of festival concessionary food items.
*takes spleen out and puts it on the table* Okay, here we go... At a festival last weekend, I was...
Another Cog in the Cognition
I sidled1 up to the vending machine2 this morning3 to obtain a frosty can of Professor Flogg's Fizzing Nerve Tonic...
New Interpretation
A synopsis of The Miracle Worker by William Gibson. Helen Keller is blind, deaf and rages violently against anyone who...
The Weather Experiment (a digression)
Billy was your average precocious child. He enjoyed all of the things that precocious children liked. He did not, however,...
Cattle herd roundup with helicopters and shock prods
(blowdried television newsreaderdroid appears) *blows off dust....1s and 0s go flying* *taps microphone* Ah, good, still turned on. Only had...
WMD for the discriminating consumer
***Charred notes found in a hollowed out volcano*** Weapons of mass destruction are all the rage nowadays. The variety that...
Og Back
Og greet. Og not make things on cave wall many moon. Og make things cave wall now. Og not sleep....
Destroy the Babylonian Menace!
Welcome to ANN, the Aetherscope News Network. Today at the League of Nations in Niew Amsterdam, the Bureaucracian Minister of...
Yeah? That's what the lemur said!
If you are reading this, then the rutabegas haven't gotten to you yet. My brain says that the caramel monkey...
New Year's Predicitons
Today is January 8, 2003. January 8 is the traditional day to make oracular predictions. By traditional, I mean starting...
(insert appropriate emotion here) (insert appropriate holiday here)
We here at Floccinaucinihilipilificator Heavy Industries, a subsidiary of Happy Fun SmileTime Military Procurement Services, wish to provide you and...
Infodump
And now for the news..... In National News today, Praetor Pillarofsalt apologized once more for advocating the disenfranchisement, deportation, and...
Konspiracy Korner
Resolved: There is a global conspiracy to undermine the way of life of all right thinking people and institute a...
Synaptic roundup
Today on Synaptic Roundup, we will be discussing events of the past 1/12 of the year cycle. Our guests today...
Gourds
Today is Halloween, otherwise known as Hallowe'en, or All Hallow's Eve. But it is also a date that has great...
The Bureaucracia Tourism Board Welcomes You.
The Tourism Board of Greater Bureaucracia welcomes YOU to our magical land of adventure. While in Bureaucracia, be sure to...
Creative book defacement.
Long drive to PA. Meet, greet, sleep. Drive further. Stand in line. Meet writer of good book. Writer defaces books...
League of Nations
*interior, League of Nations Secret World Monitor Command Post* Professor Smith-Smeth-Schmidt and his young charge Billy are examining the Grand...
Ancient Astronauts
I would like to set the record straight about Ancient Egypt. After watching the fumbling efforts of alleged scientists using...
Family fun entertainment
WELCOME TO LIABILITY PARK(tm)! [1] Here at Liability Park, the kids can enjoy the most EXTREEEME!(tm)[2] fun! Regular playgrounds have...
Og look skin.
By popular demand..... Og talk skin. Skin on not-Og. Og look many skin. Og look wo-man. Many wo-man. Many skin....
Travel_and_Expense_Form.xls
*ding* You have been selected to beta test human resources management training! Please come to the happiest (dullest) place on...
Welcome to Bureaucracia: Breathing Optional
The following is a public service announcement starring Unnamed Government Official, Unnamed Government Scientist, and inquisitive young Billy. BILLY: Geezums,...
Return to the Reich: Aftermath. Part 9a
Day 9++. Awaken on landing. Eat nothing. Drag self through concourse in search of depleted uranium luggage. Helpful representatives of...
Flee from Canuckistan: Why? Part IX
Day 9. Arise. Stow last belongings and Canuckistani purchases. Drag selves to dough toroid purveyor for more tasty toroids. Shamble...
Canuckistan: Low Oxygen Style. Part Eight
Day 8. Arise. Realize that no tasty sinfully good food will be provided. Stumble outside to obtain boiled dough toroids....
Canuckistani Urban Adventures: Part 7.
Day 7. Arise earlier. Drag luggage filled with what appears to be depleted uranium to car. Leave charming lair without...
Canuckistani roadside attractions. Part F
Day 6. Arise. Consume yet more wonderful food. Pay painfully large lodging charges. Set off to experience Canuckistani First Nations...
Flora of Western Canuckistan: Part V.
Day 5. Arise. Consume still more incredibly wonderful food. Depart for daily expedition. Journey to a themepark-like experience celebrating the...
Examination of Canuckistani Wildlife: Rocks and Trees. Part d.
Day 4. Arise. Consume still more delicious food for the breaking of fast. Wipe plant goo off of face, put...
Travel-monologue from Canuckistan. Part 3
Day 3. Arise and observe the daystar. Consume more tasty sinfully rich breakfast. Drive roof-optional vehicle to embarking place for...
Canuckistan: Now Open Later! Part B
Day 2. Arise and curse the earth for not having a rotational period that is conveniently metric. Eat wonderfully prepared...
Infinite repeats of Go-Gos songs. Part I.
Day 1. European built sky chariot provides transport from Land of Bureaucracy and Decay to Land of Technology and Rain....
An Inquiry Into Decreased Cluon Detection Leading To A Diminished Ergosphere
Descending into the Ergosphere can be a dangerous affair. The Ergosphere is well guarded from casual inspection. The concrete fortifications...
The effects of ethyl alcohol on the modern evolved human
Og want say ethyl alcohol bad. Not good. Hurt Og in head. Make Og not think. Make Og not feel...
Cellular Phone Review
Model tested: Motorola i1000plus Service: Nextel Pros: This phone works just fine under normal circumstances. It has good quality sound,...
Prophesy
And then the upper management shall meet with the middle management and talk of many things. Of planning for cataclysm,...
License agreement.
We here at floccinaucinihilipilificator.net present you, our only reader, with the amended terms of the floccinaucinihilipilificator.net license agreement. Below are...
A discourse on coffee
As longtime residents of the inside of my head know, I don't drink coffee. In fact, I don't really like...
Jihad
As I rode the command vehicle through the greasy, smoking rubble of the last building, I commanded the armies halt...
Current Events: OR Things that happened recently somewhere in the world or something and what I think about said events.
1. Let's say you're a disaffected college student and you've gone nuts. You decide to run amok, planting pipe bombs....
New Brain Spewings (now with fibre!)
1. I've been tinkering with Conway's Game of Life lately. I've found that it's far more fun to start with...
Descent into......Madness!
Madness! Madnessssssss! *muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa* Madness! 4AMwakeupdrivetoworkarrive5AMworkdootherpeoplesjobsfixproblemsrerunrerun- rerunstartoverworkworkworkdootherpeoplesjobsresetrestartredoworkworkwork. Screamyellmakesnidecommentcurseyell. Make it work. Yellmore. Decend into Madnesssssss! *muahahahahahahahahahahaha!* 12ormorehourslaterreturnhomestillinastateof MADNESSSSSSS! *muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha* Gotodinnereatfood. Drinkcaffeine....
The function of chaos as mapped over time
*rare personal anecdote* For the first time this week at work, we are being subjected to an x-ray machine and...
The Adventures of Fwuffy Bunny
Once there lived a hippity happity bunny named Fwuffy. Fwuffy lived in the forest with all of its fluffy hippity...
Deciphering the lingo
Here, for the first time, is my guide for interpreting what our friend felis domesticus has to say (and it's...
Friday Five
I'm not one for doing things like the Friday Five, but in the tradition of me, I won't say which...
Secret History
The American Civil War was not actually fought over the issue of state sovereignty or any such mundane issue. The...
Beverage reviews
I have gone off the anti-caffeine wagon long enough to perform a taste test. This test was undertaken at great...
Entries from the other universe part mcxvii
Hallmark cards: "With deepest sympathy on the loss of your homeworld..." "" "Congratulations on your impending doom!" "And a pleasant...
greymatter/xml stuff.
In trying to fix a few things with Andy's site this morning, I discovered something interesting regarding Greymatter and our...
Thak spake thus
I Thak. Thak live in Og head. Thak very tired. Thak job keep Og awake in data mine. Og work...
Thoughts
I have many thoughts. Many of these thoughts lately have turned to the subject of a system of orbiting lasers...
FAQ
Our alien overlords have graciously consented to answer a few questions about the occupation of Earth and enslavement of humanity....
Og.
Og tired. Og miss sleep. Og get out of cave and work in pit before Daystar rise above far hills...
from the web geek...
Ok, so I got tired of the old design. So I came up with this. It's quite simple, but nice....
If you don't see the fnords, they can't eat you.
Sanity. A highly overrated concept. No man is an island unto himself, but apparently he can be a whole department....
Spatula!
I wonder if there is a suitable charity that suits my needs. I am pondering donating my tax boondoggle to...
Topical brain drippings
I am still troubled by the number of meat racists in this country. A recent Wendy's commercial just underscored...
Incoherent ramblings of the sleep deprived.
Sleep, what is it, why do we need it, what's it good for? Work sustains the body. 10 hours today,...
Breakfast cereal from the alternate universe
(static) ...NEW!...(crackle)....LICIOUS!...(crackle)....TRUTH!....(crackle) (clarity) (view of a spokesmodel guy sitting at a breakfast table) "That's right, new Ontology Flakes contain more...
Notes from a Time Corpsman retrieved from his charred PDA
TO DO: 1. Get appointment with Solar Overlord Lemieux re: 2001 Stanley Cup playoffs. 2. Meet with President Bush (the...
General Observations
1. The Ford Focus is a unique vehicle. It was designed by Ford to be economical and sporty. It is...
How novel are the works of consumer culture.
Here I sit in the Denver airport waiting for my connecting flight. The invasion of Canuckistan begins in a few...
How to have fun with search engines.
I was discussing the election of George W. Bush with my friend Pikachu as I tasked my pineal gland with...
Zoophilia and other fun things
Today, I ventured to the hazardous wilds of the Smithsonian National Zoological Park, otherwise known as Da Zoo, accompanied by...
in honor...
In honor of Andy's recent achievement... *giggle*...
I'm Number One! Woooooo!
I'd like to thank the academy, the goat pr0n industry, and Google. If you go to Google and do a...
Etiquette
Dinner parties: 1. When arriving at a dinner party, it is considered polite to greet the host with a polite...
Sleep deprivation
Ah, sleep. Blessed sleep, how I miss thee. This week has been a massive conspiracy to keep me from sleep....
This space left unintentionally filled
Snow. It's allegedly coming our way tomorrow. I decided to visit the grocery store to watch the carnage. I usually...
Wrath.
The current subject of my wrath is a little company called FedEx. Call me crazy, but when I place an...
Random bits of brain.
I strongly believe that SUV drivers should be subjected to an intelligence/driving test before being allowed to drive one...
StorTrooper
Well, here I am, in iconic form:...
Random thoughts
A. 99.95% of all people born before the year 1700 are dead now. B. Vlad Dracul could run for president...
The Low Road
The path of the damned. For those that dare to travel along the broken way. Noble warrior along the road...
Haiku
The killer robots After me, they come. Oh no. Force field holds, for now. Zombie replicants Munching on brains, yummy...
Zen and Goat Pr0n
Lesbian Goat Pr0n. Many of you readers have wondered about this niche of the burgeoning pr0n industry, but few have...
Second post!
Hmm.... *looks around* I suppose this is my new site. :) Before we get this carnival of strangeness underway, there...
whew.
Well, it's finished (for the moment, at least). Andy needed a new design, so here it it. It's running Greymatter;...
© 2001-2004 Andy Wilkinson. Og say steal bad.